The Sturdy Soapbox

A really nice day

Despite being in the deepest of brown "do do", I was determined to give my brother and his wife a nice meal as thanks for all the hard work they did with regards to my gas fire and the kitchen units and the work that will come.

In fact, his parting words to me were "keep paying the rent and don't die".

We did wind up poor old OBC. 

Last August when we had the big get together at Sue's, because OBC was swanning about on his boat down Devon way, pigging out in Rick Stein's, we called him and all his old mates from 25 years ago had a chat (I wondered why my mobile bill was a bit high that month).

Even then, having seen the pictures I'd done of this 70 year old vintage bike (which OBC constantly tells Val only goes 25 miles an hour) my brother an afficionado of classic British bikes wanted to see it.

So, here we are 5 months later, nothing came about.  Bro, with several decent glasses of wine and a pork dinner down his clack, is in a figthing mood, so I just dialled the OBC number and gave him the handset.

January 14th at 1 pm is the appointed viewing.  I'm sure my brother won't sleep till then, seeing how he's loopy about bikes.  I remember when I was about 10 and we all lived in a council house.

He rebuilt something or other (can you tell how interested I am).  I do remember it was cold outside, so he started the rebuilt machine up in the kitchen, with no exhaust attached to the engine.  It nearly shook the house apart and gave both my parents a near coronary.

I have rucks of stories about Anita, her innocence and her reactions to the odd behaviour of both me and my brother, who she's been married to for 30 odd years and raised three kids by.

She's such a quiet person, that if she left the room, you wouldn't notice, but that doesn't suggset a lack of personality for heaven's sake.  She's cut me down to size more than once with just one sentence and we've never ever had a cross word EVER HONEST.

Today, she won a false nose, moustache and glasses in her Christmas cracker (see picture) and frankly, I don;t think she could have been much happier if she'd won ten pounds cash. 

Regulars here will recall, I was going to do salmon and prawns in filo pastry with a white wine sauce.  Now, I've not made a roux based sauce for a long time and th sauce came out just fine texture wise.  I put some white whine in it and some spring onion and simmered it.  The consistency was perfect, but it tasted like shit.

First course therefore was fresh salmon, prawns and wholemeal pasts shells doused in garlic butter.

Huge leg of roast pork with all the trimmings and as I write its a case of OINK factor 10.

Loads of wine.  I bought a bottle of South African white to use in the sauce. Served the rest at lunch.  It was less than three pounds a bottle and was utterly superb.

It's called Dumisani and is a South African Chenin Blanc-Chardonnay.  Remember, we are taxed up to the arsehole in the UK on what we drink, so a bottle less than three pounds that rings the bell, is well worth remembering.  I wasn't planning another trip to the supermarket before 2006, but I may just risk another bottle tomorrow.

They also had what looked like a decent sparkling for less than a fiver (about £ 4.37) and it wasn't Spumante which was about six pounds a bottle.

Just had Sue on the phone griping that again she can't get into her internet banking. So we've arranged for her to come round here tomorrow and we try from here with a faster machine and connection.

As I already menetioned, I am going to see the Growler, who sounded even lower than me, when I spoke to him yesterday and I wonder if that is possible.

The Dalek bottle opener is causing much hilarity.

New restaurant in town

Got a call yesterday from Darlo Sue inviting me out for a meal and she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

I collected her about 5 and we popped for a couple at the Horse and Jockey, before arriving at the restaurant which is just down the road from where I live.  An Indian restaurant called Cumin, one of the new breed, with chromium napkin rigs wrapped round black napkins and a very posh bamboo floor with chrome radiators.

The food was very nice, subtly spiced and beautifully presented.  You take your own wine.  Sue had kept a bottle of Chablis back and a Chateau Neuf du Pape.

Afterwards we came back to the flat and watched  The Last Dalek (Dr. Who repeat) on BBC3 and then laughed like drains at Little Britain.

Today I have to tidy up in readiness for my brother coming to lunch tomorrow.  Not feeling up to that, as it is so cold, I don't want to leave the warmth of the lounge. 

Just called Growler to see how he is.  He's still full of cold and sounding very sorry for himself.  I'm going to pop over and see him on Saturday lunchtime see how he is, I'm sure a couple of pints and a bit of teasing from me will cheer old big paws up.

Crying over spil't gravy

All that time and effort making rich beef gravy and guess what managed to get knocled off the hot plate all over the work surface and mostly on the floor.

I managed to scrape up the stuff off the clean work surface, but I wasn't even going to go near the floor.

The salmon and prawn starter was very nice with a little brown bread and butter.  Roast beef was excellent, still got tons left, but it's a nice meat cold too.

Didn't do any cooking today, just lazed about, which is what I reckon  Christmas should be.  Darlo Sue went to her friend house and OBC had about 20 to lunch.  He was a little worse for wear when he called last night.

Enjoyed the Dr. Who special on TV last night, but no Daleks in sight.  The new series returns in the spring.

Hope everyone's waistline isn't expanding too much.

Well under way

The mash (using King Edward potatoes) is made, spring onion chopped in and now on keep warm.  The baby new potatoes rolled in minted butter on the same keep warm plate.

Roast potatoes have been basted in pork dripping (a Christmas treat, as I usually dry roast them on a rack) and the beef has just had it's initial blast at 240 degrees c.

Salmon is cut ready, but I snaffled a prawn off the top of it, oink !

Darlo Sue called and when I told her the creme brulee story, she laughed like a drain.  Apparently, her ex hubby Kev, made the mistake once of buying her a food processor for Christmas.  About the middle of February, he plucked up the courage to ask if there was a chance they could go back on to solid food, as he had forgotten what his teeth were for.

By the time I finished watching the whole of Nil by mouth yesterday, I was a lot more impressed with it as a film, than I commented in one of my previous posts, but I still stand by what I said.

I looked up what was said about it on the internet movie database and was impressed to learn the word C**T appears in this film 42 times.  Sue's asked me to keep in for her, obviously impressed by such a claim.

So with Alien it was "In space nobody can hear you scream" and in Superman, it was "you'll believe  a man can fly" but with Nil by mouth, it's "this film has the word CU*T" 42 times".

And I had to turn carols from Kings off, because the language of the little choirboys sniggering between cantatas was fucking disgraceful, the little bastards.

The day continues.

Odd choices

A couple of years ago, I remember getting from Growler and Tarn, a selection of cheeses and some cheese biscuits for Christmas, yet I am known widely for not eating cheese (I make pizza or omelettes occasinally, but I don't EAT cheese).  To add insult to injury, from my brother, I received a marble cheeseboard and knife !

These days, everyone I know, is fully aware of my lactophobic leanings and I know they all know I am diabetic, so imagine my surprise, when I opened one of my total of three presents this morning, to find a creme brulee set complete with blow torch.

For the non-epicureans amongst you, creme brulee has a crispy top created when you apply focused heat to wait for it, sugar.

I suppose the blow lamp will come in handy should I take up plumbing and want to solder some pipework joints.

BBC breakfast were taking e mails and text messages on odd gift choices this morning, such as the man who bought his wife an exhaust system for the family car.  Personally, I was just too discumknockerated to send the BBC my yuletide gleefull message about the blow lamp.

As for who it was that bought me the kit...  Well, one of them has big paws and growls a lot.

6am Christmas Celery Crisis

I decided last night that I would give the 24 hour Asda a whirl, instead of hitting Darlaston at 6am, seeing how Darlo Sue told me everyone seemed to be talking about doing the same thing.

This decision meant  only having a little to drink and a relatively early night.  I was up at 5am, out by 5:15 only to find the 24 hour Asda had decided not to be 24 hour today and wasn't opening till 6.

Miffed at having wasted my time, I drove over to Darlaston, arriving on an empty car park with a half hout wait ahead of me.  Suddenly someone drew up parking very close to me on the right.  Next someone pulled up on my left, then another car behind me.

Even in a car, I find this sheep instinct irritating, especially as it is a quarter to six in the morning and this car park is huge.

By 6 am I was womdering if there was anyone in this town who wasn't up and trying to stampede their way in through two sliding doors.  Then you get the fuckwit with a couple of hundred people behind them, who's distrated by something shiny, stops in the doorway and is oblivious to the eager shoppers over their shoulder.

Then of course, the priority of everyone both in the store and still waiting to get in, is the fresh veg.  Always at the front of the store, there is evidence that the town's gene pool could use a little chlorine, as assembled groups of tossers assemble for a dawn chat, denying others access to the button mushrooms, mixed leaves or even potatoes.

I needed celery for my beef stock, which is simmering  away as I write, but the had no celery.

The thronging masses elevated my stress levels to the level, where I was very close to taking a kick at one of these ill mannered cretins, with their shitty "I'm having that (insert item of grocery here) if it's the last thing I do".

The shops are only closed for three days at most, but the panic buying at Christmas is as bad now as I recall it ever was in the sixties when I was a kid and the shops really did close for days.  No Asian shops open all over the holiday, no supermarkets back open on Boxing Day.  Hoarding of bread, sugar and  Brussels sprouts appears to be a deep rooted habit that's not going to go away.

Angry at not having celery, I forgot to get lemons or limes and I deliberately abandoned some of the stuff I can well get when they open again after the holiday.

I'd been invited over to OBC's to collect my present and an early morning feed (nice toasted bacon sandwiches).  OBC found great pleasure in my distress and many a sarcastic comment came forth, as I'd expressed no intention of driving or walking into town for a stick of celery.  I hoped I might see a small greengrocers on my travels.  there's a petrol station locally with a Safeway mini supermarket built in.

I could have bought fresh bananas, corn on the cob, more fucking winter leaves, but no celery.

On the way back from OBC's in a right sulk, I had a flash of inspiration.  I'd try the Aldi in Moxley, the dump of a district I spent part of my childhood in.  You couldn't compare the Aldi supermarket at 8:30 this morning to the Asda at 6, which was more like the bull run in Pamplona than a supermarket.

There's a certain snobbery to the supermarket heirarchy over here, with the likes of Lidl and Aldi considered somewhat below the salt, when compared to say Tesco or Asda and whilst it's not a supermarket, there is a true snobbery connected with food shopping at Marks and Spencer.

Actually, Lidl wasn't at all bad, I may pop up there again.  I got lemons and limes in a bag for 69 pence, some spring onions and some mange tout, but no celery.

I detoured into the mainly Asian part of our town and tried three of the supemarkets there, where you can buy all the stuff you need for a stonking curry,  BUT NOT CELERY.

So, the stock is being made, with dried celery flakes.  I just tasted it and wasn't overly impressed, but the stock has at least another 4 hours to go, so it's early days yet.  I might dose it up with more dried celery and hope for the best.

The beef looks superb, very dark in colour.  Fortunately, I have nothing else more stressful or demanding to do for the rest of the day, than open a Holsten Pils with my talking Dalek bottle opener.

Well, I actually got the DVD recorder to burn something more than a couple of hours of snow last night.  I recorded Nil by Mouth which I am watching at the moment and despite the superb pedigree of involvement from Gary Oldman, Luc Besson, Ray Winstone and Cathy Burke, the film about smack head low lifes down London way, lacks the finesse and directorial excellence of Trainspotting or the scally charm of  Snatch.

Looking forward to carols from Kings at teatime and believe me, there'll be a lot less of the F word in that than there is in this film.

Finished

Early start this morning, was in Coppers Butchers at 6:45, no queues.  Bob the Butcher was there bright eyed and bushy tailed, with my order all ready, but he forgot the pigs in blankets.

It was very quiet at work and we finished at noon.  Wally the Welder got a lift in and went off on the piss at lunchtime, but I don't think Growler went with them.  "got to go pick my neice up" he growled.  "Why, has she fell over" ?  I enquired.

All is safely gathered in, except for the pigs in blankets that is and a few bits from the Asda, which requires a 6am start tomorrow.  Fire's on and so are the lights on the 2 Christmas trees and my neon BAR sign.

Now I'm not one for publishing recipes on the soapbox and there are after all only two ingredients in this, so it's not really a recipe at all.

Most of us have at least one tube of sausage meat we never get round to using over the holiday.

Cut it into burger shapes about 1/4" thick and then roll in some sage country herb stuffing mix (dry from the pack).  Fry slowly in the frying pan (I use a little butter) until cooked through.  They really are superb, but for heaven's sake use decent sausage meat.

Incidentally, I got the router from hell working and so, am reporting from home.

Here's a picture of my talking Dalek bottle opener which is keeping me amused every time I open a bottle of Holsten Pils. EXTERMINATE !

3Com Junk

Some time ago, in an attempt to reduce the jumble of wires around my desk, I bought a 3 Com wireless broadband router, which comes with a USB "dongle".

I'm certainly no beginner at installing new kit and without doubt, this router proved to be the most difficult I ever experienced, to the point where I had to turn to their tech support.

First phone call went along the lines of  "Have you registered the product"  "No, I can't connect to the internet to register it" I said.  Not their problem they said.

I reinstalled the old hardwired broadband modem and registered the product, also a less than simple procedure, with tech support only lasting a generous 14 days, I wondered was it worth it.

I then called again.  Now I'd registered, I couldn't give them my problem over the phone, they would book me a service (telephone) call, some time within the next 4-6 hours.

This was no good to me, I had an appointment in the afternoon, followed by another with a pint of lager.

I worked my way through the problem, with some e mail help from BT broadband tech support, who always have been red hot on internet connection issues, even with product they don't support.

When the service call came back from 3 Com, I was less than interested in what they had to say.

A couple of weeks back we had more shenanigans, when we came to fit Tone's identical setup on his PC.  Eventually, Tone had to reformat his hard drive, before the computer would recognise the  3 Com equipment.  We didn't even bother booking a service call.

Two days ago, I powered down my PC at home as I was expecting Pilchard to come fix my Venetian blind and the PC would have been in the way.

I reconnected all the equipment last night and the "dongle" will not connect with the router.  The PC was asking for the driver disk.  So, just the act of powering the computer down, loses the driver for the dongle ?  I hadn't got the disc at home, so episode two begins later today with the disc.

Also, the 3 Com router regularly loses signal across the ten foot divide between dongle and router.  If the router was across the road, with double decker buses passing between the two stations, I might well understand.  So basically, if you want a quiet life with your wireless broadband, don't buy 3 Com.

At work, having ditched a Linksys router, we have a Netgear, which installed simply, never loses connection with 5 wireless stations in a steel framed building and just sits there working perfectly.

Top marks Netgear,  nil points 3 Com and Linksys.

Bad Show RBS

My bank nearly ruined my Christmas.  On Tuesday, I logged in to my internet banking to see I had slightly gone past my small overdraft limit.  Immediately, I called to tell them I had a cheque to deposit and would they show some clemency with regards to the automatic charge the transgression would levy.

They verbally agreed to increase my overdraft, which the next morning they called and declined to do.  Then they really pulled the rug from under me saying there will only be a ninety pound charge in January, they will no longer deal with me at the branch and my account is being passed to another department who will be in touch.

Fortunately, the cheque has now cleared and they don't appear to have recinded my small overdraft yet.

Things being as tight as they are, remember I said here that if I didn't get paid for the engineering web site I wouldn't eat this Christmas.  I don't need the bank getting all sassy on me, when I am struggling enough as it is to keep my nose above water.

Fortunately, I had cash to pay my butchers bill.  When Bob the Butcher heard what happened, he didn't want to take the money, but I explained, it will only be worse after the holidays, so take it whilst you can.

All I need to do is get a few simple things in the morning and then I shall lock myself away till after the holiday.  As you might imagine, the Royal Bank of Scotland will not be getting a Christmas card from me this year.

I am now looking for "cash only" clients.

Dalek No 2

Seeing how I can't afford a radio controlled talking Dalek and I doubt anyone loves me enough to buy me one, I got this one off Ebay.  Admittedly, he doesn't talk and he's quite a bit smaller than the R/C ones, but he can keep the red one company.